Show With No Name playlist March 4

Hmm. Found out what happens when you accidentally play a song that turns out should have stayed a secret shame... add 'Buffalo Tom' to the list of songs that shouldn't be played on the Show along with other entries, such as 'any Halen with Hagar' and 'Bruce Springbok'. But i digress. I would like to say that *again* rock and roll has shown its transformative and healing powers - one tiny little radio station at the arse end of the paris end of ballarat has managed to get Van Halen back together.

Ladies and gennilmen, it's a bona fide rock and roll miracle. It's not the first time the Show has brought bands back together this year. But we're not stopping there. Break out the baby cheeses and the goon, we're getting Halen to play the Begonia Festival Parade. It was meant to be.

Lazy Farmer's Sons - Withered By the Dawn (bootleg recording)
Billy Thorpe - Momma (live at Melbourne Town Hall)
Van Halen - Somebody Get Me a Doctor
Dirtbombs - Everlovin' Man
Dirtbombs - They Hated Us In Scandinavia
Dramarama - Anything, Anything
The Who - A Quick One While He's Away
TISM - Would the Last Person to Leave Please Turn Out the Enlightenment
Richard Cheese - Milkshake
Van Halen - Dance the Night Away

7o'clock rock
Motorhead - I'm So Bad Baby I Don't Care
The Dwarves - Over You
Lunachicks - BadAss Bitch

Van Halen - Romeo's Delight
Barry Black - Cockroaches
The Cobras - Restless
Buffalo Tom - Taillights Fade

Special set for the gal who is sick:
Screaming Trees - Uncle Anaesthesia
Boss Hog - I'm Sick
WASP - I Don't Need a Doctor

Van Halen - Dead or Alive
Frank Zappa - Magic Fingers
Jello Biafra & Life After Life - Still Is Still Moving to Me
Iggy and the Stooges - Search and Destroy
Van Halen - Little Guitars
Bay City Rollers - Bang Shang Alang

A theme? When nostalgia goes ugly

I found a theme. No show is complete without a theme. It's like Ballarat without the hamburger cart. Like weekends without the sound of V8s howling up and down Sturt Street. Tonight's theme will involve referring to Van Halen breaking up. Again. Older than the Spice Girls, better looking in spandex, but doomed to the same fate. Or, as these pictures show, a far cry from anything like they used to be. Possibly mutating into some Smeagol/Gollum like behavior, at a guess...->

Although performances were lined up through April 19, TMZ.com cited unnamed
sources as saying the band's hotel reservations are being canceled now that
the
rest of the tour has been scrapped. The band's last three shows were
canceled as
Eddie Van Halen is said to be having "issues," the report said.
The rock icon,
who spent time in rehab last year, has been in media
headlines the last few
weeks because his ex-wife, actress Valerie
Bertinelli, is making the rounds to
promote her new tell-all memoir.

It's over, Johnny. When it's no longer fun, walk away. Tonight, on 99.9FM across western Victoria: Van Halen - A Requiem

Maybe Michael Anthony and the newly rested Alex Van Halen should look around at second careers for guitar rock heroes - like guest roles on Battlestar Galactica, like Scottie Ian's doing...

it's trivial

Those of you who are regular listeners to the show, well, you're obviously fucking well lying aren't you? Still seeing as you've no real clue as to the whereabouts nor the actual existence of this blogsight the risk of offending you has passed. In the immortal words of Don Rickles "I kid because I love, however, I kill cos Iknow people". Anyhoo, the original premise as requested by V the S, was along the lines of where do you get your ideas from vis a vis trivia? First of all I'd like to apologise for the phrase vis a vis. It's not really something you're likely to say in any conversation is it. I wonder if it's just me that once presented with a typewriter keyboard feels the deep and earnest need to use words that would never enter my head whilst speaking. Whilst, that's another one, earnest doesn't show it's head to often nowadays come to think of it. Whilst, earnest, vis avis, spume, nowadays. These are words that common life has passed by. The problem is they can get in the way of a very average story. When was the last time you found yourself on the receiving end of an at best factual but tedious story being thrown at you in slow motion by folk under the false impression that they are following in the comedy stylings of Eddie Pryor but are really taking 10 minutes to hit you with an anecdote that with the correct trimming could've been punched out in oooh, 7 seconds. Then, assuming you're brain is on hold, run through all the major issues of the tale again in tripilicate! Now look, I'm no family all round entertainer and I accept this wholeheartedly. But I do realise when a story is SHIT and if so I try to speed the fucker up so as not to further damage loved ones. An example that cannot be traced? Sure. "There once was a male adolescent of dubious hygiene who hailed from somewhere in the general area of rural Victoria. Well one day, and one can only presume that the weather was humid, he felt compelled to remove his testicles from there enclosing sheath or trouser then bathing them in liquids and soaps for as if to cleanse them. When the Matriach of the family got wind of these developments she immediately felt compelled to act and with the force and fury of the Gods at her back warned the young man that if he did not reposition the scrotary area in a suitable shape of woven fabric she would be forced to ,quite literally, raise to her fullest height from the very earth on which she stood, only to come crashing down on the culprits rendering all function obsolete." Or to put it another way. "There was a young man from Horsham". Now, as far as starting your own trivia here is what you do. Step 1. Make it up. Step 2. Do it another 29 times. Step 3. There is no Step 3.

Another Tuesday, another reason to believe in rock

I've awoken on a grey tuesday in march, thinking what kind of tunes do you play on such a foetal Autumnal date. Of course, I've been indulging in some secret shame music... stuff that Lenny or MickDog would ruthlessly mock (and my poor tongueless self, by default), despite my feeble scrawlings on the VoiceFM-supplied Etch-O-Sketch for the Voice Impaired. I was abused as a child. I can't help why I like the music I do. I was even sent away to band camp and everything... a young white teenager exposed to the power and the passion of the suburban community band. This was before the accident and the ensuing job sweeping floors at an old fashioned 'student radio station' which lead to running away to join the black clothed people across the river at the 'inner city public radio station'... which is another story entirely. Sorry, my pacemaker's buzzing me.

Everybody's got a secret shame in music. Don't get me wrong, I still like finding out just how extreme - and extremely stupid rock and roll can get (ladies and gentlemen, I give you... the Irish Band.) I like trying to keep up with the youth of Ballarat and seeing what they're up to... I love finding some incredible music from waaaay off the map that you'd never ever expect to see. But I love my secret shame music. Music played in the privacy of one's home, or the high volume, dinosaur-powered isolation chamber that is the automobile, because no-one's gunna understand why you like this stuff...

And there's degrees of secret shame. Grabbing a cricket bat and rocking out to Acca Dacca may be one man's weekly fact of life in the kitchen and while another's momentary lapse of judgement to think he looks cool playing air guitar could be all a tight-suited money lizard needs to loosen up and be bit nicer to people. They'll still burn on various levels of Hell, but it's nice to be nice. Of course standing in a pub full of metal freaks and loudly proclaiming Kylie Minogue really has developed into and all-round entertainer , well, that's another thing, innit?

On with the show. I'm gonna go find Len. I hear he's been out trying to raise money to get a heavily armed team of guerillas to move in and help him re-open the Unicorn Hotel as a dedicated musuem, cinema and bar/venue.

What's funnier than the 2020 summit?

Wow. Fancy a town run by old white guys getting a bunch of old white guys to sit down together and smear foi gras on each other and talk a bout how seriously important they are to the future of us. Pass the buttered goose, I feel a little moochy about climate change. Is it the worst possible decision to be seen hiring a soon-to-be-helping-with-inquiries "colourful business identity" and a Murdoch yes-man to oversee an important bringing together of divergent views and opinions?

NO! It's John Mellencamp and Stephen King combining their awesome talents to make a musical. "A little ditty/About Cujo 'n Carrie/ Too American kids growin' up in the pantr-y". This will GO OFF. Much more than the Carrie Broadway show. Which just stank...

I mean, hiring Cate Blanchett to head a discussion about the future of the film industry - at a time when she's got her own production to think of? Jesus, didn't we learn when they sent in Peter 'oops where's my balls' Garrett to be Environment Minister? This will suck more arse than Molly Meldrum when Elton John's in town.

Let's face it - whenever these shiny suited New Labor governments try and fix something cultural... ohhh let's just say the closing of Melbourne's inner city music venues due to the evil influx of mortgaged-to-the-eyeballs yuppies who don't like the sounds of people having fun in their streets for example... we get a) Punters closed, b) Rainbow closed and c) the Tote on the chopping block.

When will we learn? I'm just wishing there's some anarchists left in Newtown who'll do something interesting with this summit. Something with paint. And music. And funny. Anything but smoke a thousand bongs and talk about the conospiracy theory about the secret NSA base under the US embassy and the tunnels under the Parliament.... *sigh*.... a big 23 skidoo to tin foil wearers out there!

Show With No Name playlist Feb 26

Woulda put this up yesterday except Len and I found ourselves in the Royal Joke - a fine boozy venue in the suburb called South Central in Ballarat. Yes, hello you old skool rap fans. Bad news. A bunch of whitefolks in Commodores are prowling the streets of South Central and there's nary a cap busted in any asses... poor old Eazy-E's rotisserizing in his grave... but I digress.

After a lot of phone calls (none) and emails (none) we've decided to bung up the playlist each week. Maybe so you can get a taste of the awesome rock passion of our radio show. Maybe so I can keep track of what I'm playing so I don't end up sounding as crappily playlisted as Triple J... fuck can we hear that Pissy Huggins song again? And again?

The Return from Black Waves of Depression Special
Skyhooks - Every Chase A Steeple
ZZ Top - Enjoy and Get It On
Capsicum - Toe Tapper
Blue Oyster Cult - This Ain't the Summer of Love
Dirtbombs - Leopard Man at the C & A
John Zorn - A Shot in the Dark
Frank Zappa - I'm a Beautiful Guy
Blur - It Could Be You
Kinks - Shagri-La
New York Dolls - Jet Boy (live)
Ramones - She's a Sensation
Rose Tattoo - Nice Boys Don't Play Rock and Roll

7 O'clock rock set*
Slayer - God Send Death
Descendants - Everything Sux
The Bronx - All This Is
Misfits - From Hell They Came

David Bowie - Look Back in Anger
Sugarman 3 - Promised Land
Zoobombs - Belt Out Rock and Roll
Bellrays - Some Confusion City
Harem Scarem - Run On Down the Line
The Jesters - Cadillac Man
Nebula - Freedom
Stiff Little Fingers - Barbed Wire Love
Frank Zappa - Doreen
Bay City Rollers - Bang Shang A Lang

* where we aim to inspire serious window-down, hair flappin', sign-of-the-cow driving

I like geting virtually spastic

Hello Fans,

Look, I don't know whether any of you have heard of this Facebook malarky, but it seems to be bigger than ten speed bicycles and speckledy fruit tingles put together.

I used to hop on the Inter-ma-net and receive general "Hellos! from various friends holed up in various bunkers around the World, (receiving various messages from various Gods) and it was all jolly hockey sticks.
Now it seems I can't respond to various advertisements for long distance telephone rates or doodle biggery without having to donate a virtual rhubarb to some Vampire Slayer during a game of Scabulous.
And I'm not sure I feel happypants about it......

I'm old enough to remember when one simply opened one's letterbox to receive mail, instead of the bizarre dance where one has to find which one of "Friends" is currently researching Letterbox Opening Protocol for their PhD or having to take the "What sort of letter box opener are you?" test.

More to the point, the whole site seems to be filled with a strange, alarming positivism, which frankly grinds at me like a a kind of Mormon Mafia trying to beat you to death with fairy floss and suffocate you with icing sugar.

I have friends (somewhere in a box.... I think...I've just moved house...maybe they're in with the kitchen stuff....).
Although we get along most of the time, sometimes we don't.
I thought the whole idea of a friends was someone stupid enough to put up with you and laugh about it.
But everytime I look at the Facebook comments they are this continuos snootchy goo about how much love there is in the room.
I dunno...just seems a little one sided...I know I shit people to death sometimes.....and vice versa.....

Therefore, now matter how many you "roll deep" in compadres (really? people say that? "Roll deep"? Sounds like a Subway offer to me...) I'd like you to complete the following

The "How many Friends do I actually have and how many people are just people i met through someone else who said "Wow, you guys would really like each other", or people I have to get along with for work purposes or people that I would like to get along with but I'm sure if we actually met we'd hate each other?" Quiz.

1) A friend is

a) Someone who'll hold your hair back when you're spewing your guts up or who'll get in the driving seat when the blue light flashes because they've still got five points left on their license
b) Anyone who'll shout me a drink
c) Any soul from the brethren
d) That guy at the bus stop who knows the lampposts are controlling the weather

2) Your in big trouble. You need $1000 NOW!!! How many friends would pony up the dough?

a) I've got at least six mates who'd cough up the cold hard and shout me an icy pole
b) Are my parents technically friends?
c) Ohh no dude....not again...will you pay a $1000 dollars to have sex with me?...I'll do anything....no I won't take a cheque....no your can't have a test drive...gedda outta here ya bum...no wait...come back...I didn't mean it honey...I'm just feeling naaaaasty.......what all of your friends?....o.k...but one at a time...o.k ..two.....three at a pinch......
d) I don't get into trouble for just such reasons.

3) You've just busted up with your respective partner. One phone call will result in..

a) A mate with a van and a slab rolling around to getcha the fuck outta here and back into the arms of those who've always stuck by you
b) A novelty ringtone bouncing off the walls of a Pilates sessions
c) Another 25 cents into the coffers of Satan
d) a snivelling apology and a night on the couch at Aunty Gail's.

4) The best friends are

a) Honest, loyal and a bit crazy
b) Skinny but not so skinny as to make you feel fat
c) Able to admit that they have a problem and are willing to complete all 12 steps
d) Fuzzy animated sprites on your "My Fuzzy Wuzzle Doodle" page

5) You met most of your friends

a) kicking on and getting your freaky style a-movin
b) when I changed my name and moved state to get away from my previous debts and indiscretions with other "so-called" friends.
c) in the back of the divvy van
d) When I dropped 14 trips at The Big Day out while the Butthole Surfers were playing (or maybe maybe I was at home watching the tumble dryer...I dunno...)

6) The thing I'd wanna tell all my friends is

a) Thanks. You guys have made this stupid ball of confusion so much more fuckin bearable. Luv's ya guts's.
b) Stay away from Ryan. He's mine
c) I'm better now I've stopped taking Ice/Herion/Meth/HorseTranq/Etc.
d) Can I borrow $50?

7) At your funeral you'd like your friends to

a) Play your favourite tunes, have a party and say something genuine about ya.
b) be paroled
c) not steal your stuff
d) not share the crematorium. I'd hate to be saddled with you arseholes for another fucking life.

O.k.

I think you can draw any conclusions for yourselves.
Oh...just one more thing.....I'd just like to make it perfectly clear that I don't give a shit about vampires, slayers, icons I can't drink, stupid causes, heartwarming stories about dead spastics, virtual vegetable programs, icons that flash their boobs when you send them to 10,000 people, travelling fuckin bears/gnomes/nuns, tests that couch what a grumpy hoon I am in Fluff-Speak, anything to do with Dr. Phil, set lists of your terrible music taste, reviews of films I wouldn't see if they Tarzan gripped my eyeballs to the popcorn machine, compatibility test to see if we agree about b-grade actors from the sixties, shit from YouTube where some fool makes beeping noises at a toaster, cartoon fish/flowers/fannies (actually I'll accept the fannies now I come to think of it...) or anything other than a request to meet up somewhere and a have a beer and a laugh.

Til next time

Cheerio!

Mick "Keeping the real real" Dog.