Slaughter on Sturt Street, or Bakery Hill Blues

Oh... the synchronicity. The strange and beautiful Ballarat madness of the December calendar where, in the same week 154 years ago in the town where some blokes had stood on a hill and asked about getting a fairer deal from the guys they were paying all the taxes to... (then got a right bollocking one morning after a largish pissup at the Stockade)... the hyper fit/fat/fried/funky/fucked up folks of fair B-Town did crushingly kick their former local government representatives in the goolies.

The fleeting moments - so special. Seeing that awkward, bustling handshake between former Mayor Quimby and The Constable on WIN TV. It was all in the eyes... Good luck with the charges, Quimby... yeah - and the Constable was one of the very few from the Good Old Dick 'Cock Swingin' days of yore, when the money flowed free and it was about trade trips to India and Community Fact Finding trips to East Timor, who didn't get a bollocking.

Of being told by one of B-Town's fair citizens that it was Punchin' Jude Violin who was to thank for the 'monstrosity' on Bakery Hill, Australia's holiest of democratic turf... no, not the Mickey D's (which tends to find its way into every shot of the big Eureka flag on the roundabout)...the huge Gay Tent City store. That's Ballarat for ya.

Miss Desperate High School Musical Housewives got in, too - and she apparently used get all switchblade and West Side Story with Violin not long after joining the Party... makes you wonder what phone calls Balla's last serving Liberal senator might be making to the Olde Money about his Nouveau Cached Uppe Riche young apprentice...

And Dusty Ned from the Sex Pistols - who lost his seat but maybe kinda knew you can't become a mayor if you're a bankrupt, and um... who knows? Maybe you're ahead of the fashion and bankrupt elected officials will come into vogue, but... true to form he stayed on message, saying it was those fuckers who read the newspapers wuz wot got 'im in the end. And I agree.

Here's what the Ballarat City Council website has to say about the matter when you go looking for the new team...

This file has been removed from the system.
Page last updated: 28 November 2008, © City of Ballarat 2008

It's been a big week... and it's only Wednesday...

Happy Eureka Day, all you great Australian trouble makers

When the radio's the world

A dozy grey Sunday morning is echoing with the previous night's rock'n soul party - and the first time I properly figured out the ridiculous ease and quality of plugging the 'puter into the stereo. And what a Saturday night - kitchen cookin' smells, liberal amounts of grape juice and Steve Cross knocking out the Many Moods of Mick Collins feature upon Beat Orgy, 6-8 Saturday nights on 3RRR FM through a tastefully crankin' set of speakers.

Thumpin' rock and soul taking the listeners off on a journey through a couple of decades and a shitload of bands under the uniting theme of the Big Bloke With the Bad Arse Shades, Mick Collins - meaning getting to hear loadsa Dirtbombs in the process. And did I mention Steve Cross? It was rock'n'roll radio heaven, reminding me all over again how good we get it not just in Melbourne, but Melbourne's legacy to those music radio lovers out of reach of the transmitter on Mount Dandenong. Steve Cross (I have heard some call him 'Crossy...') sounds like the suave, erudite and slyly wisecracking music journo we never had in Australian print.

Sure, there's been half-decent stuff, but there's something about the way this guy serves it up - there's the suggestion of the naively passionate collector nut buried behind the hipster who's not too cool, giving us something we've come to expect from Melbourne public radio - superbly crafted programs that leave you in a semi-hypnotic daze afterwards they've been so beautifully listenable, personable, amiable. And did we mention Mick Collins? And recommend the Dirtbombs latest We Have You Surrounded?... knocked out with bursts of regularity via our own Show each week... as reinforced by their awesome, Blow the Roof Off a Venue Without One show at Golden Plains this year... More coffee, more morning blast into a Sunday carvin' the ones and zeroes...

Resurrection shuffled: or getting hammered is traditional for Easter in Ballarat

Another weekend reading the Springfield versus Shelbyfield pissing contest of The Age and The Australian, considering again that perhaps all the best writers of culture have given up trying to be published on dead tree in Australia and are wandering about online, mostly. And then there's us. *tumbleweed*

Musically, the good, bad and ugly list this Easter looks like this: Paul Stanley says he will quit kiss, which only goes to show what kind of sway Len's editorial on last week's show has. My bringing out of Heard It On the X was the precursor to the announcement that ZZ Top are recording again, so I guess it's my turn to line up at the Disappointment Ride for my chance to watch once favoured legends squander their once-shiny legacy.

Yes, my mulleted teenage bad self was there when ZZ Top played at Olympic Park in 1987. Me, my two mates and about 10,000 bikies.They were awesome. Billy Gibbons helped bring me to the psychedelic and freaky in blues and rock and roll music... - ah, the Deguello album - but their gradual decline throughout the 1990s does bring back the classic modern musical dilemma: just where do you go after your psychedelic retro-hotrod becomes a push-button spaceship?

No, what we've seen this Easter is the arrival of the rock'n theme song for Presidential candidates. One of our spiky-haired brethren from Twisted Sister (no, not Dee...) has whipped up a version of I Wanna Rock - except it's I Want Barack.

Yes - how fucking stupid. But is it stupid enough to win more votes? I think so. Which means not only will this get really ridiculous as the major media outlets seek more creative ways to ignore 5 years of carnage in Iraq, and desperate old rockstars seek a way to be relevant again (Bono. Say no more.), but also as with most American political stunts and trends, Australia will either get a shitty copied version of this very soon, or a really good ripoff of it in about three to five years' time.

So here's my early picks for remakes/repostings/corpse raping of OzRock for Oz Politicians:

Kevin Must Be There - Eurogliders

Maxine - Sharon O'Neill

The Phillip Ruddock Blues - TISM

Kochsucker Blues - David Koch goes for Indendent MP with the Beasts of Bourbon

It's A Wong Way to the Top - the massed drummers sacked by AC-DC

What About Pete - Peter Garrett with Shannon Noll and the Hard Knocks Choir

Of course, I live in Ballarat. Where Steve Jones is the mayor. The farking bass player for the Sex Pistols, if you 'aven't 'eard... Although curiously, the Clash's Janey Jones could get a work out... Anyhoo.

At least hearing Sweet Home Bazz Obama sure will be funny... I'm sure. What we need is circuses made out of bread. I'm hungry.