Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Tap the 5 sided bottle for Gary Gygax

Speaking as a former +2 charisma (with sword cursed berzerker) dwarf-thief, I would like to say my fondest wishes for Gary Gygax, who has just moved up to the next level carrying a shitload of integrity points. Curiously, it's also the anniversary of the death of Jon Belushi, but who's counting? The important thing is Gazza got a cameo on Futurama. It's the best you could hope for in possibly the most unsexy of popular culture podiums to inhabit - that of nerd overlord. I don't care what the unbelivers say - it was a shitload of fun and something you didn't have to worry about being plugged into a wall to do.

However, I want to celebrate something about GG - not Allin, darling - and his effect on music.

He wasn't just the man who gave us Dungeons and Dragons, - he was, if you allow me this saving throw - an unrewarded influence in helping propogate the basic ingredients for the foment and spread of these things known as heavy/power metal.... I believe the youngsters call it battle metal, or, indeed epic metal, for those familiar with GuitarHero favourites DragonForce.

High pitched little guys yelping about the nest of orcs they've uncovered in the fifth room under the trapdoor tunnel. Then imagining all of that happening with a bitchin' double-handed tapping solo and audience participation chorus. It's the little things that keep us going.

Otherwise you look at one anniversary on this day - say, oh, the one about non-proliferation of nuclear weapons, and then stumble across the one about the Guy from the Former Government We Can't Properly Call Criminals Yet who figured he'd get in on a bit of that oil money shit the Yanks been yappin' about.
And then you start to feel shit about things again. In fact, one goes about quoting the grand prophets:

Work, play; Night, day -They shit me.
Good, bad; Happy, sad -They shit me.
He, she; They, we -They shit me.
Rich, poor; Less, more -They shit me.
Out, in; Fat, thin -They shit me.
Black, white; Left, white -They shit me.
and yes... you could say
But they don't shit me one tiny, eentzy, weentzy, miniscule, macroscopic, nanoseismic, pan-insignificant, zoophytic, neo-nonexistent little bit compared to the wayI shit me.

Fuckit. I'm hiring a yoga clown.