Thursday, May 1, 2008

More reality than one show can handle

Hello Fans,

I'd just like to thank Bigguth Dicketh for their comments on Ballarat as the rootiest place on Earth (see comments on "This is where we Live").

As to changing the motto I think there are some fine suggestions.
Other mottos I'd considered were "Ballarat! Will root for piss!" or "Crack a Fat in Ballarat!" or "Buy me a drink and you can sink the pink".

Of course the next thing to do is to create a reality television program, filmed in several local locations, called "The Night Rider" where contestants are pitted against each other to pick up as many drunken hump bunnies as they can in a single night.
Points given for creative bonking locations, evading security cameras and not giving out their real names.
Points deducted for spewing (either party), poor coital performance and pregnancy.

In my opinion, if something as lame as "The Girls of the Playboy mansion" can cobble together half an hour of some blonde ninnies buying a Gonk doll in their hometown of Arsecrack, Montana (but failing to deliver the standard 8 boob shots or blandly filming Hef as he wanders around with his viagra drip calling everyone "Puffin Cakes" ), then a real time show where strapping young lads are given a $100 drink card and access to Australia's most up for it chicks should rate through the rooty roof!

Throw in a couple of piss weak street fights, a short scrag match over a taxi, cap it off with a clumsy crack at it at the Bus Stop and it has to be a hands down (yer pants) winner.
Who wouldn't want to watch some bloke on his third girdle getting a txt from the producers to say that his rival has just bagged his fourth muffin, then watching in thrilled anticipation the young fella talks his way past the bouncers, gets one more closing time Bacardi, masterfully grabbing the nearest ho-bo and her gravity challenged friend, in order to get in one last match winning double hump in before 3am closing and then submitting the saucy footage over a bacon style breakfast at the National Nine Network ? (although to be fair I think Seven is really gunna be the one to step up and see the dollars here).

Sure they'll be some nay-sayers. There always is.
But all we need to do is remind them that free wheeling sex and drugs kept everyone sane during the Goldrush and that Sovereign Hill really needs a 1850's brothel, with sheep skin franga's or syphilis lollypops for the kids if we are going to truly celebrate our heritage and move forwards with our heads held high (or hair held back).

All for now,

Mick "Minty dude fresher available soon!" Dog