Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Stawell closed, Ballarat Gift to be opened

It's official: Ballarat is so bereft of ideas of its own it's taken to grabbing whatever is happening up the road at the neighbours' joint.
Thanks to some B-town oldtimers in the Premier's Department the folks at Stawell got the "you're on your own, tiger" mail from the Guvmint, and approximately 35 seconds later a press release went out from the Shitty of Ballarat that they'd help by moving the whole lot to Sturt Street.
We're a bit excited about the Ballarat Gift. So much so we took to the streets of the interwebs and asked people what they thought the Ballarat Gift involved:
"The Ballarat Gift is being able to walk home from the pub and not be beaten to a pulp" - Len

"Will you be allowed to use a shopping trolley and beat anyone to death who gets in your way?" - Tim

"The Ballarat Gift will be the greatest public assembly in Ballarat since the last time an Adelaide footy team made the AFL finals" - Jamie

"A Ballarat Gift is where you get beaten up outside the pub, but they don't kick you in the head or steal your gold claim." - Matt

"I think the Ballarat Gift is something you're born with. Makes it easier to get Centrelink payments." - Tim

"Heh heh! I remember when high school teachers had to stomp out flaming bags of Ballarat Gift left on the porch." - Mick

"The Ballarat Gift: a winter's day above 10 degrees" - Jamie

"The Ballarat Gift: being able to kick on in the backyard at a party in a t-shirt no matter what season." - Steve

But what route will the runners be taking in Ballarat?

An early leaked report states that the Ballarat Stawellen Gift will indeed be run at night - along Lydiard Street, down Policeman's Alley, past Karova, through the carpark at Big W and Dan Murphy's, through the Mall, intothe Safeway carpark - an obligatory dimmie stop at the Hamburger Cart - and then in to the police station.

If you can make it that far without being beaten by vicious teenage thugs on a Smirnoff Ice frenzy, you get a souvenir hand-picked by Ballarat historical character Bendy Vendy.

The question we have to ask right now is: can you run a footrace holding a bunch of begonias?

Stay tuned - our Deep Sole has promised much more inside news from the depths of our elected representatives!

Show With No Name playlist July 14, 2009

Aaaaand... we're back.

Whiter and more manlier than any Triple J Hottest 100 of All Songs On the iPods of Accountants. More annoying in our dedication to publicly broacasting classic rock tunes than Radio Dave, and far sketchier in our income details than Dodgy Butch the Second Hand CD Pimp...
It's the Ballarat institution that's been putting bums on radio since 1914; a collected 367 years in show business that thrusts deeper than anything Gavin the Boot Rooter had a go at in his time.

After the appropriate amount of mourning for Jacko "I'm an Individual" Jackson, we've hit a new timeslot on the airwaves - 8pm till 10pm Tuesday nights - with a new range of cocktail friendly tunes.

The podcast is on its way! Catch up with the other podcasts here

Playlist Tuesday July 14
Sensational Alex Harvey Band - Midnight Moses
23rd Elvis - Destination Midnight
Frank Zappa - Cocaine Decisions
Andrez Williams - Chrysler 300
Sunnyboys - Trouble In My Brain
You Am I - I Can Hear the Grass Grow
Fugazi - Sieve Fisted Find
Funkadelic - Super Stoopid
Scientists of Modern Technology - Technology Illiterate
The Anti-Nowhere League - Streets of London

Half-time oranges served
Iron Maiden - Fear of the Dark (live)
KISS - Shout It Loud
Fat Thing - Beaufort
TISM - The History of Western Civilisation
Capsicum - Don't Fuck With the Wongs
Split Enz - Give It a Whirl
Thin Lizzy - Bad Reputation
Pere Ubu - Waiting For Mary
Roky Erikson - It's a Cold Night for Alligators
Dead Milkmen - Punk Rock Girl
Joe Jackson - 5 Guys Named Moe

It's great to be back, in the heart of the hairy black Satanic anus of winter!