Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Those of you who are regular listeners to the show, well, you're obviously fucking well lying aren't you? Still seeing as you've no real clue as to the whereabouts nor the actual existence of this blogsight the risk of offending you has passed. In the immortal words of Don Rickles "I kid because I love, however, I kill cos Iknow people". Anyhoo, the original premise as requested by V the S, was along the lines of where do you get your ideas from vis a vis trivia? First of all I'd like to apologise for the phrase vis a vis. It's not really something you're likely to say in any conversation is it. I wonder if it's just me that once presented with a typewriter keyboard feels the deep and earnest need to use words that would never enter my head whilst speaking. Whilst, that's another one, earnest doesn't show it's head to often nowadays come to think of it. Whilst, earnest, vis avis, spume, nowadays. These are words that common life has passed by. The problem is they can get in the way of a very average story. When was the last time you found yourself on the receiving end of an at best factual but tedious story being thrown at you in slow motion by folk under the false impression that they are following in the comedy stylings of Eddie Pryor but are really taking 10 minutes to hit you with an anecdote that with the correct trimming could've been punched out in oooh, 7 seconds. Then, assuming you're brain is on hold, run through all the major issues of the tale again in tripilicate! Now look, I'm no family all round entertainer and I accept this wholeheartedly. But I do realise when a story is SHIT and if so I try to speed the fucker up so as not to further damage loved ones. An example that cannot be traced? Sure. "There once was a male adolescent of dubious hygiene who hailed from somewhere in the general area of rural Victoria. Well one day, and one can only presume that the weather was humid, he felt compelled to remove his testicles from there enclosing sheath or trouser then bathing them in liquids and soaps for as if to cleanse them. When the Matriach of the family got wind of these developments she immediately felt compelled to act and with the force and fury of the Gods at her back warned the young man that if he did not reposition the scrotary area in a suitable shape of woven fabric she would be forced to ,quite literally, raise to her fullest height from the very earth on which she stood, only to come crashing down on the culprits rendering all function obsolete." Or to put it another way. "There was a young man from Horsham". Now, as far as starting your own trivia here is what you do. Step 1. Make it up. Step 2. Do it another 29 times. Step 3. There is no Step 3.